This Is NOT The Life I Ordered (A Midlife Woman Still Renting)

There was a version of me who assumed that by now I would be a homeowner again. Not flashy. Just settled. Keys dropped into a bowl. Pictures hung without permission. The quiet security of knowing no one can tell you to leave.

Instead, I’m a midlife woman still renting in the UK. Statistically unremarkable. Emotionally, still something I occasionally trip over.

That’s what midlife really brings—not a crisis, but an audit. A quiet stock‑take of what you assumed would simply… happen.

I also thought I’d be ageing naturally. That phrase gets used a lot, usually with a tone of moral superiority. The truth? I caved. I had Botox.

The results are fine ish.

Not disastrous. Not miraculous. Certainly not the natural wonder I was secretly hoping for.

And then there’s this.

Who starts a blog at fifty‑nine?

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost the plot. I’m not stupid, but the technical side of it all—platforms, settings, analytics, things that disappear when you click the wrong button—is frankly alarming. There are moments when I think I’ve spent an entire afternoon achieving absolutely nothing except mild rage and a new password.

And yet.

I keep coming back to it. Because writing like this—telling the truth, being honest, admitting when something hasn’t worked, laughing (or occasionally crying) at my own inadequacies—turns out to be oddly therapeutic.

This wasn’t part of the plan. But neither was renting, cosmetic needles, nor learning SEO at an age where my tolerance for nonsense is extremely low. But I’m learning that midlife isn’t about becoming who you once imagined. It’s about making peace with who actually turned up.

I’m not behind. I’m not broken. I’m not reinventing myself either. I’m simply adjusting—quietly, imperfectly, and with far less interest in pretending than I used to have.

I’m not the woman I thought I’d be by now.

But I’m no longer trying to argue with the evidence.

Some things have settled.

Others clearly haven’t.

This is the first of three pieces I’m writing about this stage of life—what’s settled, what hasn’t, and the uncomfortable space in between. If this resonates, you’re very welcome to read along.